The evil behind two faces
by DarkSecretLove
Summary: After being abused for 15 years, Axel finds a reason to live and never give up. After some drastic changes in his life, he's living with the people he loves. He decides to write a memoires. AkuRoku, SoRiku, ZeMyx.
1. The story by Axel Preview

**Author's note: **First, don't get your hopes up too high, I just started my study at the university, so I'm busy as HELL all the time, so uploading won't go very fast I think.  
Second: This story WILL contain abuse, boy love and all the other things people can freak out about. Don't like, don't read.  
Third: The second chapter will be written soon I hope.  
Fourth: The chapters won't be too long, but there will be 34 chapters (at least, it looks like that right now, but I've changed that for 100 times already, so that might change).

Guess that was all. Hope you enjoy.

~DSL.

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The evil behind two faces

_Chapter 1:  
__"The story" by Axel Nakayama_

My name is Axel Nakayama, and I'm about to tell you a story; the story of an abused child.

This child was a boy. The boy was pretty much like any other, a cheerful, playful boy. One thing stood out though, his unusual haircolor. His hair was a bright, flaming red, and no matter what he tried, the hair would not behave, always spiking up in every direction. They defeated gravity and rain by far.

At the age of four, this boy's life took a dramatic turn. The parents had never been the most loving ones, from four on they were downright hateful towards the boy. When he did not reply, or act to what his parents said, they would not repeat it, no, a slap across the face was what he could get.

The boy didn't understand why this sudden change had taken place, there was nothing he could recall he had done, or anything that had happened. The beatings got worse with time and the signs of abuse started showing: the boy started to flinch away from people's touches and would look scared whenever someone raised their voice.

From the age of seven the boy's father started to sexually abuse him as well, first beating him senseless and then raping him. The boy's mother knew, but did little, if anything, she'd beat him some more, because his father would rather fuck him than her.

At the age of nineteen, after being abused for fifteen years, the boy had some serious issues, but found a reason to never give up, a reason to escape, a reason to live.

My name is Axel Nakayama, the boy mentioned above is me, and this is my story.


	2. How I met Demyx by Axel

**Author's note:** First, don't get your hopes up too high, I just started my study at the university, so I'm busy as HELL all the time, so uploading won't go very fast I think.  
Second: This story WILL contain abuse, boy love and all the other things people can freak out about. Don't like, don't read.  
Third: The second chapter will be written soon I hope.  
Fourth: The chapters won't be too long, but there will be 34 chapters (at least, it looks like that right now, but I've changed that for 100 times already, so that might change).

Well, I decided to write the second chapter right away as I absolutely thought the first one is just WAY TOO SHORT.  
I didn't edit this one yet, so there might me some changes.

The usual disclaimers.  
Enjoy!

~DSL.

The evil behind two faces

_Chapter 2:  
"How I met Demyx" by Axel Nakayama_

The first memories I have belong to the time I spent in kindergarten. Back then, the abuse hadn't started yet and I was a pretty normal boy I guess. There's one thing I remember clearly, apart from meeting Demyx.  
Nearing the end, the lady watching us would always read us a small story, all of us sitting on the small benches near the big window, listening to her voice. The other children were hardly able to sit still, because they had seen their parents ' car, or their parents' faces. I always listened to her voice, loving it a lot, as it was the only time someone ever read something for me. When she was finished, she would open the door and the other kids would run towards their parents, quickly hugging them tight and showing them the drawings and other things they had made, chattering away about all kinds of things.  
I was always the last one to still sit there, waiting for my parents. Most of the time it was my mom who picked me up, but from time to time my dad would come. The moment I saw them appear in the hallway, I ran towards my jack and put it on quickly, so that they wouldn't get angry because they thought it took me too long. There was no hug, I had tried in the beginning, wanting to be like the other kids, but my mom would always step back and shove me away from her, so soon after I stopped trying. She wouldn't even look at the drawings or other things I had made and just put me in the car.  
I didn't chatter away like the other kids, because a nasty glare would be the response, or snapping that I should shut up. Often, my mom took me to the grocery shop first, buying the food we needed. I would see other kids from kindergarten in the shop, pointing to this and that and everything they wanted, and their parents buying it most of the time. Something I shouldn't have tried to copy. My mom just lost it, telling me that I should stop nagging and that she bought thousands of things for me and if that wouldn't satisfy me that I was a horrible kid.

From time to time, my parents would forget to pick me up when it ended. I watched all the other kids getting picked up by their parents, chattering away about everything and nothing, making sure the one kid they liked so much was coming over to play, because they had a new doll, a new race car or another toy. I would still be sitting on the bench, watching them and wondering why I never got something new, why I didn't have the things they were talking about. Sure, I played with toys in kindergarten, but I didn't have any of my own. Sure, the other kids would play with me from time to time, but most of the time I'd play with nobody, everybody too busy to even notice me sitting in a corner, riding my favorite red fireman's car in front of my feet, from the left to the right, left, right, left, right and so on.  
The times my parents forgot to come and get me, the lady would call them, asking why there was nobody to pick me up. I would be standing next to her, hearing my father yell at my mother why she didn't pick me up, then my mother yelling something unintelligible back and my father saying that he was on his way. Those days, I hardly spoke on our way home and when we got home I'd go upstairs to my room, lying on my back on the floor, watching the clouds drift over and try to see figures in them.  
On other days, I did pretty much the same, sometimes I'd sing a song to myself, something we learned that day. At night, when I couldn't sleep, I'd watch the stars, smiling at them, pretending they were my friends. I'd hear my parents watching television downstairs, the thing was always way too loud. When they came upstairs, they'd never check if I was asleep and just stumble into the bathroom, then into their bedroom and falling asleep.

Somewhere during my first year at the kindergarten, Demyx joined our group. The lady introduced him to us as Demyx and the boy took place at the big table, his mom gave him a quick peck on his cheek and then she was gone, waving from behind the windows to him and then driving away in her car. The boy seemed pretty nice, but he probably was like the others, not noticing me. When we were allowed to play, I walked towards the corner where my car was. I grabbed the thing and sat down, moving it from the left to the right and back. Soon, I saw two feet in front of the red car, two feet with colorful shoes on them.  
'What's your name?' The shoes asked me.  
'Axel.' I replied softly.  
'Axel? What kind of name is that?' The shoes asked. I shrugged, I didn't know. It just was my name, there was nothing weird about it… right?  
'I'm Demyx.' the shoes said and suddenly the shoes moved and the new boy came into my vision.  
'Why don't you play with the others?' he asked. I shrugged again, and he shrugged as well. 'Do you want to play with me?' he asked and I looked up, very much surprised. My eyes met two blue ones, sparkling and happy, I was startled by those eyes. I nodded, not finding my voice. He grabbed the police car and together we played with the cars, pretending there were big things happening and that our cars were going there to save everyone.  
At first, the boy kind of scared me, he was so happy and full of energy and so… hyperactive. He drove his car all over the place, while I just kept sitting in my corner.

That day, when all the parents had come to pick everyone up, Demyx took his mom to me, as I was still sitting on the bench.  
'Where's your mother?' he asked and I shrugged.  
'Do you want to come with us, so we can play?' I looked up into those blue eyes and then to his mother, who smiled down at me. For the moment I forgot about my parents and nodded. His mother grabbed my jack, as it was the only one left and helped me in it. Then she led us to the car, and kept talking about all sorts of things and asked Demyx some questions.

When we stopped in front of their house, I recognized it. It was only on the other side of the street and three houses to the left of mine. Demyx's mother took us inside, gave us some lemonade and a cookie and asked about what we had done that day. Demyx kept talking about everything, about how nice the other kids were and his mother listened to him. I watched the scene in front of me and my surprise kept growing. His mother was so nice!  
After some time, Demyx took me to his room. When I stepped in my jaw dropped. His room had a nice light blue color to it, and looked out over the sea. There were toys all over the place and there was a small bowl with three fishes in them. I walked towards the bowl and pressed my nose against the glass, watching the fishes intently.  
'They're called Zero, Yuna and Miles.' Demyx said proudly. 'Miles because he swims in circles all the time and goes really fast. That's the biggest one.' I smiled at him and he grabbed my hand, taking me to his toys. We played for what seemed forever, with all kinds of toys and he had a firemen's car just like the one in kindergarten, which I kept playing with. At some point he told me I could keep it and I looked at him with big eyes.  
'Really?' He nodded.  
'Really, I like the police car better anyway.' I smiled and thanked him.  
Around five, his mother came to us and asked me where I lived, so she could take me home so that my parents wouldn't get worried. I told her I lived just down the street and she reached out her hand to me. Carefully I grabbed it and she pulled me to my feet, taking us downstairs and bringing me home. When the door opened she explained to my parents who she was and grumpily my dad gave answers to her questions.  
There's one more thing I'll never forget: that day was the first time somebody hugged me. It was Demyx, just before the door closed. He hugged me, squeezing me tight against himself, let go and smiled at me. Then the door closed and my dad wanted some explanation.


	3. How I met Axel by Demyx

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 3:

"How I met Axel" by Demyx Yamanouchi

Axel and I met at my first day in kindergarten. It wasn't exactly the day of my life, as my mother and me just moved into town because she had gotten another job. I didn't feel like going to kindergarten, the only moments I felt safe was when I was around my mom, and she would leave me there. Alone.  
When we walked through the hallway to the classroom, my mood brightened a little as I saw a lot of toys. Once inside mom said bye to me pretty quickly and told me that when the pointy things on the clock above the door would be on the same place, she would be there again and take me home.

The other kids were staring at me, watching my every move, making me feel nervous. Luckily the lady told us we could go out and play, and so I wandered around, trying to figure out what kind of toys were there and which kids looked nice enough to play with.  
In the end, I walked up to a boy who was sitting in a corner, all by himself. He was playing with a firemans car, driving it back and forth in front of his feet. His hair was an unique color, nothing like I had ever seen. It was one of the brightest red I've ever seen. At first, he wouldn't look at me when I talked to him, but when he looked up and I saw his eyes, I was very surprised. Compared to his hair, his green eyes stood out as very bright. His eyes were a bright, light shade of green, with some darker spots in them.  
I asked him what his name was and hardly got an understandable answer. I decided he was nice enough to play with and grabbed a police car. The rest of the time that day we played with the cars together; me running around in the room and him not moving from his spot.

At some point, when the pointy things were nearly touching, the lady told us to sit down on the benches near the windows and listen to the book she was reading. Soon however, I found myself looking from the door to the cars outside and back to the door. The redheaded boy, who I learned, was named Axel, was watching the lady intently and seemed to love and absorb every word she spoke. I finally saw mom walking into the building. I wanted to jump from the bench and run to her, but the lady told me to remain where I was.

When the book was over, the story had ended, all the kids except for Axel jumped to their feet and ran for the door. As I knew mom was on the other side of that door, I did the same. Soon mom hugged me and asked how the day had been. I told her everything and tried to find Axel somewhere in the crowd of moms, dads and other kids. When I didn't find him, I looked back to the bench, where I found him. I ran towards him and invited him over to my house to play. With big eyes he looked at me, obviously surprised that I had asked. I repeated the question and he nodded. It was hardly noticable, but he nodded. I grabbed his hand and pretty much dragged him to the car.

When we got home, mom gave us some lemonade and a cookie, asked about our day and then we went to my room, where Axel didn't know where to look. When he found out about my fishbowl, he kept staring at it, following the fishes with his eyes as they swam around.  
After I told him their names, we played with my cars. I had the exact same firemans car as the one in kindergarten and Axel couldn't stop driving it around.  
As he drove the thing around, I couldn't help but stare at him from time to time. Somehow he fascinated me. Just how he moved, how he touched my toys, it seemed that he was afraid to break anything by just touching it.

After playing like that for a few hours, my mom came to bring Axel home. He said he lived just down the street, but mom insisted on bringing him. So with the three of us, we walked outside and to Axel's house.  
The house looked pretty much like ours, not the biggest one in town, but not a small one either. The door opened and we were faced by a tall man, who appeared to be Axel's father. He kind of scared me, he looked mean and his voice sounded not very nice either. Axel seemed to be somewhat afraid of him as well.  
Just before he walked inside I quickly wrapped my arms around him and hugged his thin, yet somewhat tall frame to my smaller body and held him tight for a few seconds. Then he walked inside, a small smile on his face.

That very day, I knew that Axel and I would be friends, and nothing less is true.


	4. The beginning by Axel

**_Author's note:  
This is the chapter where the abuse is mentioned for the first time. Don't like don't read.  
Elementary school is based on the system we have in the Netherlands. The grades go from 1-8, where the american grades go from 1-6. First grade American is third grade Dutch. I hope that explains that...  
I had this idea worked out all the way before I realized that the school systems are different. I can't change it anymore, because I'll get confused like hell and the timeline won't be accurate anymore.  
Hope you understand._**

Hope you enjoy

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from

"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Warning: there will be abuse and boylove in this story. Don't like don't read.  
For those who do enjoy sick and twisted writing: I hope you enjoy.

~DSL  


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**The evil behind two faces**

_Chapter 4_

_"The beginning" by Axel Nakayama_

My start at elementary school is something I'll probably never forget. Mainly, though, because with that start, something else started as well. Up until the age of four, my parents weren't exactly the most loving ones, but they were my parents, after all, so I dealt with it. When I was four and I went to the first grade of elementary school, they started changing. I never knew the reason for this sudden change, and I guess I never will know.  
The first day at the new school is probably the day I remember best. Everything was new, exciting, and a little frightening. As we entered the classroom, the chairs were set up in a large circle, and every chair had a name on it. Soon I had found my chair, which -luckily- was next to Demyx's. Dem and I had become friends throughout the two years we spent in kindergarten and other kids kind of scared me for some reason. Demyx was safe, others were scary.  
The class started with our loving teacher asking us what we did throughout the summer and introduce ourselves. I remember Demyx telling something about the sea, swimming in it with his parents and telling that he loved the color blue and anything that had to do with water. That's still Dem in short nowadays. Blue, water, and the later addition: music.  
My own story about the summer wasn't that exciting, I had spent much of the days in the garden, playing hide and seek with little birds, cats and other animals. I hadn't been on a vacation, like most of the others had been. I had never even seen the sea. Actually, my knowledge of the world was limited to the town we live in. I told the class I liked the colors red and black (which, nowadays are still my favorite colors) and that I liked water as well (which, nowadays is something I'd rather avoid except for showers). I told the class I liked water, because I really didn't know what to say, and they seemed to like Demyx, so I guessed that was a safe thing to say.

Later, it appeared that sitting in that circle was the traditional beginning of the day. After that, we'd be allowed to play in different so called 'corners', there was a corner with dolls, one with cars, one with sand, and one corner was set up like a shop.  
Sometimes, we'd practice starting to write and read, even though we weren't conscious of doing that. Demyx always stayed close to me, always being my safe haven to go to. Together we'd play with the sand, the cars, or make drawings. Anything, really, we'd do together.

The moment my parents found out that Demyx went to the same elementary school as I did, they arranged something with Demyx's mother, so she'd take me home as well. Their explanation: they were too busy with their work to bring me to and get me from school. That Demyx's mother was running their household by herself and had quite the busy job as well, didn't come to their minds. Then again, why would that occur to them? They wer e way too busy pretending we were the most perfect little family in our neighborhood. That the truth was as far from that as can be, was something only Demyx would find out for a long time.

After I got home that first day of elementary school, I wanted to tell my parents everything about this most exciting day of my short life. My mother had just returned home from her beauty-salon when I got home and wasn't exactly willing to listen to my -perhaps a little too- enthousiast story. When my dad got home, I noticed he was having a bad day, but none the less I took my chance to finally share my experiences of elementary school. That's something I've been regretting ever since.  
As my dad, just like my mom, wouldn't listen to my story, I, being a four year old, got upset that nobody would listen to me. As I started cry, my mother just walked off to call a friend and my dad got himself a beer, sat down at the couch and turned on the tv. At that moment I thought making a scene would get me the attention I wanted, so I started one.  
That's something I've been regretting ever since. My dad's mood got even worse and as he had been drinking, his emotions were fed by the alcohol. He yelled at me to shut up and go play in my room. As I refused to go play before I had told someone about my day, I started telling my dad all about it. When I had just gotten to the point where we were sitting in a large circle, my father threw his –by now empty- beer bottle at me and told me that if I didn't shut my mouth very soon, he'd slam it shut. Believing him, I went upstairs and sat in my room, waiting until dinner would be ready.  
When we sat down for dinner, I gave it my last shot. I started talking again, but soon a harsh slap in my face stopped me from talking. I looked to my left, to see my father looking at me angrily and telling me that he had warned me. My mother stared at the scene in front of here with no emotion whatsoever in her eyes. She just looked, saw and continued eating.  
After dinner I went upstairs, got ready for bed and spent the first hours after that wondering what I had done wrong, staring at the stars, looking for an answer. The stars were staring back. Cold and far away, but company, friends if you like. The only company I had besides Demyx.

Like I said, the first day of elementary school is a day I'll probably never forget. When I walked to Demyx's house the next morning, his mother opened the door before I even got there. She let me in, made me some breakfast and then took Demyx and me to school. This would soon become a habit, I would leave my house early to eat breakfast with Dem and his mother, then go to school.  
At school another form of abuse started. I grew more quiet than I already was, which didn't get me more friends than Demyx. The other kids still kind of scared me and they noticed that. Soon they had found the kid that stood out like an elephant in a flock of sheep. Me. If they didn't tease me about my hair, it would be my clothes. If it wasn't my clothes, it would be because they didn't have anything better to do, and I wouldn't fight back anyway. Talking about an easy target.  
Luckily Demyx was pretty much always there, protecting me as much as he could. That boy got a fair amount of beatings and bullying because of me. Because he was my friend. My only friend. Again, something Demyx would be alone in for a long time.


	5. The beginning by Demyx

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The evil behind two faces

_Chapter 5_

_"The beginning" by Demyx Yamanouchi_

Unlike Axel, I don't remember the start of elementary school that well. Sure, I have some memories of the first two years there, but not the exact first day. When he tells me about it, I believe him. What I said that day about my summer vacation sounds a lot like something I'd say. Apperently I told the class that I loved the sea, the color blue and pretty much anything that had to do with water. Still sounds like me.  
One of the memories of the first two years in elementary school is that at some point another kid and I had the exact same sweater with two cows on it, and somehow always managed to wear it at the same time. Another memory is the swimming classes. I absolutely loved those, as I got to spend time in the water, something I loved from the beginning. I remember Axel having more trouble with it, as it appeared that he wasn't such a big fan of water.  
One of the larger memories is the one where Axel came to our house one morning with a bright red handprint on his left cheek. I think it was somewhere in our first year. I asked him what happened, and he told me that some kids had beaten him up after school. Something that's impossible, as we always went home together. So if he had gotten beaten by some kids, I would've known and I would've tried to stop them. I decided to let it rest for the moment and we went inside to have breakfast.  
That's another thing I can recall pretty clearly: the bullying. Axel has always been somewhat of an outcast, always the center of bullying, the one kid everyone beat or kicked somewhere in time, just because he wouldn't do anything about it. He wouldn't hit back, he wouldn't tell the teachers, he didn't do anything. That's why I would hit the kids, why I would tell the teachers. That they didn't do anything about it, was something out of my league. If I could, I was there beside him, facing the bullies. Sure, a four or five year old isn't capable of kicking some eight year old's ass, but I kept trying.

The thing I remember best of those two years is that one time that my mom decided that she would bake cookies with us. Why I remember it so clearly is because the whole kitchen was covered in flower. It was a pretty damn sticky mess afterwards, but it were the best cookies ever. It was just a random day, somewhere, I guess, in the second year. Axel had been quiet all day, something my mother noticed right away, as she knew him about as well as she knew me, her own son. So after school she had bought everything we'd need to cheer Axel up: the ingredients for a whole bunch of cookies.  
At first it went pretty okay, my mom let us weigh the flower, sugar and butter and let us mix everything. As we couldn't read, and my mom was off to get something, we didn't know it had to be done at a certain speed... that's why the whole ordeal became so messy. Apperently, it was supposed to be mixed at the lowest speed the mixer has. We, as a little overenthousiastic kids, put the thing on the highest speed. The result was that the flower and sugar went flying everywhere, and that the butter got stuck in the mixer. When my mom got back, she couldn't do anything but laughing for about fifteen minutes.  
After we cleaned a little, my mom mixed all the ingredients together for the second time, and let us make forms in the cookies. We spelled our names, as my mom told us how to make the letter. Axel made a lion and an elephant and I made some fishes and a dolphin. Back at the time, those were our favourite animals, something that –for me at least- is still correct these days.  
Anyway, while waiting for the cookies to be baked in the oven, Axel and I discussed the biggest problem we had as a five year old: which toys we would play with the next day at school. It appeared that Axel wanted to play in the sand corner, and I wanted to play with the cars. This was a problematic thing, as Axel wouldn't go play without me. In the end we decided that we would play with the cars in the sand (something our teacher wasn't too thrilled about the day we did it... as we killed about four cars).  
When the cookies were edible, my mom told us to sit in front of the tv and eat them, with some milk to drink. That day we watched Bambi, you know, the movie about the deer that loses his mom and becomes friends with the rabbit and all. This is something I recall quite v ivid, as Axel cried when the mother died. My mom comforted him and gave him some more cookies.

After that day, we never watched Bambi again, but the baking cookies became something we did more often.

* * *

**AN:**

Elementary school is based on the system we have in the Netherlands. The grades go from 1-8, where the american grades go from 1-6. First grade American is third grade Dutch. hope that explains that... I had this idea worked out all the way before I realized that the school systems are different. I can't change it anymore, because I'll get confused like hell and the timeline won't be accurate anymore.  
Hope you understand.  
The sweater thing is something that happened to me xD  
Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from "The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Warning: there will be abuse and boylove in this story. Don't like don't read.

Hope you enjoyed.

~DSL


	6. The second beginning by Axel

**A/N: WARNING: this chapter is the worst chapter I ever wrote. It's my first time writing about any kind of abuse and sexual abuse disgusts me. Yet I put it in a story, I'm confusing, I know. Anyway, don't like don't read.**

Sorry for the late update, yet I hope you enjoy

~DSL

* * *

**The evil behind two faces**

_Chapter 6_

_"The second beginning" by Axel Nakayama_

Of this whole book that I'm writing, I guess this chapter is the hardest to write. Sure, it probably will appear in more chapters than just this one, but it's the hardest thing to write about. I thought writing about the physical abuse was hard,well, this is a complete different story. Strange, really, how two different stories can comply to one and the same person.

Okay, time to stop babbling and start to actually write what I'm trying to tell here.

What I'm about to tell you is no pleasant story. It's not a story one should read to the little ones. Not the kind of story one tells at a party, or a family meeting, not the kind of story one tells when first meeting the family-in-law.

It's an awful story, but it has to be told.

Gods, and I was actually trying to start writing what this chapter is all about...

It all started when I was about seven years old. Somehow, my dad had found another way to humiliate and destroy me. By forcing me to do sexual things to him. With him.

It started once when I had come home with a school report that wasn't straight A's. Of course it wasn't, sometimes the beatings got so bad I couldn't do my homework anymore. And when one doesn't make their homework, they don't get straight A's.

Anyway, so I came home with my school report, that wasn't bad, but it wasn't the greatest I had ever had either. My father thought that was a perfectly reasonable opportunity to beat the crap out of me. He had taken me upstairs, to my room and showed me every corner of the small place. He knew it was the one place I felt safe in the whole house, as I had been beaten in pretty much every other room the house had. My father decided that that day was the perfect day to take my last safe haven in the house away.

Sadly, that wasn't the only thing he took from me that day. After my dad had beaten me pretty much senseless (or at least, I thought I felt pretty numb) he went to his own bedroom to get something. That 'something' turned out to be some sort of lubricant. Yes, he did think of that. That, sadly, was also the only thing he thought of.

By the time I had recovered the slightest from the beating, he had returned and was pulling my pants down. Soon, his own pants followed. Shortly after that, I felt the worst pain one could possibly imagine. I remember this quite vivid, and the memory makes me shiver every time I think of it. I remember it so clearly, because I never felt that kind of pain again.

It was not only physical, as an adult tried to enter me at a point that things should not enter, the opposite, really, but also mental pain. The pain of knowing these would be the only moments my father would like me. Love me, even, if you like.

I'll never forget what he said at the moment that he reached his climax. This has two reasons. One: because it really did not apply to the situation. Two: because it was the first time he ever said those three words to me. 'I love you.'

After that day, after my father had taken my virginity -something I didn't even know the excistence of at the time-, my life never was the same. The beatings were something I took without too much resistance. I would, however, never go down without a fight if he were to rape me.

Soon I had learned when my father had this certain look in his eyes, that would tell me to start fighting. It only aroused him more, if you ask me. Ever since that day, the beatings were accompanied by rapes whenever he got the chance. At first, he tried to hide it from my mother, which was a hopeless cause, because she found him raping me pretty soon after it started.

You'd expect from your mother that she'd at least try to protect you from the kind of harm my father was doing to me. But not my mother, she'd just beat me more for the fact that my father would rather fuck his seven year old son, than his own wife.

At school they started to notice that I was sick more often, but every time my mother would come up with some sort of excuse. That I had a weak immunesystem for one. That I had fallen down the stairs. That my balance was pretty bad, so that I fell a lot more than the other children. That I sprained my ankle... anything to keep the school from questioning more.

Like I said, this is no story to tell at a party, to children or family. This is a story that shouldn't be told, but has to be told anyway.


	7. Highschool's kickoff by Axel

**AN: As the previous chapter took me so long (forgot to put it up here, did put it on dA) and this chapter was finished already I decided to put this up as well.**

**Reviews are much appreciated.**

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from

"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Hope you enjoy!  
~DSL

* * *

**The evil behind two faces**

_Chapter 7_

_"High school's kickoff" by Axel Nakayama_

In the last four years of elementary school, nothing changed, really. My parents got worse with time, which meant that the beatings got worse with time as well. Demyx remained my only friend, the bullies at school kept bullying me, the teachers stopped asking questions, they believed my mother's stories about my failing balance, immune-system or whatever she came up with.

In the last year of elementary school they made us look at different high schools, to see which ones we liked and which ones we disliked. I didn't like one in particular, but didn't dislike one in particular either. Any high school would do the trick for me. The only thing that mattered to me was wether Demyx liked them or not. I was dying to go to the same high school as he. When the teachers told us that we would do fine when high school would take us six years, we were relieved, I guess. After six years of high school, I'd be nineteen, which meant that I could move out, go to college somewhere and make something of my life. In the end Demyx decided that one close to our elementary school would do the trick for him, and so it would do the trick for me as well.

High school kicked off with all the new kids going on a trip for five days to get to know each other. Those five days were pretty awesome, most of the kids were pretty nice, although some of the bullies went to the same school as we did. Demyx and I got closer and closer those five days and even though some of the other kids tried to get to know us better, we mainly sticked to each other and let the others be.

While at the camp, Demyx told me why he didn't have a father. It appeared that his father had left his mother and him when he was two years old, about half a year before we met. The man had left his mother for some gipsy girl that was younger and apperantly nicer and hotter or whatever. Demyx had no memories of his father whatsoever and never saw the man again. He and his mom moved to our city to get away from the memories that haunted the one they had lived in before and because the house became too expensive.

The day I got home from those five days was pretty awful. My father had had lots of trouble at work and almost got fired. Without me around to beat and rape to ease the stress, the tension in the house was almost unbearable. That night I took the worst beating so far, which had me ending up in the hospital and not leaving for a week and a half. Demyx was with me every day, the hours he could after school. He brought me homework and postcards from the kids in our class. To get through the hours until Demyx came, I did the homework and even tried to make some more, just so I didn't get too bored. My parents hardly visited, something the nurses noticed. They stopped by more often after that, to keep me company for a while. I don't even remember what my parents told them that happened to me.

I missed the first two weeks of high school because of this. When I got home, my father's job had gotten a little less stressed and he was a little nicer. Didn't want to lose his fuck toy, I guess. He still raped me that night, happy to have me back in the house, so he could get his release. He didn't have to beat me senseless first, I was still pretty stoned because of all the medicines the hospital had given me. When I woke up though, the medicines had worn off and I felt sore to the core of my being. I couldn't make it down the stairs, so I remained in my room all day. When my mother came home, she called our worried teacher back, telling her that I was still pretty weak from the hospital and that we'd have to see when I was strong enough to go back to school again.

During the first year of high school I started to dislike people touching me. This dislike got worse and worse, and with time I started to flinch away when people tried to touch me, and was afraid that they'd touch me whenever I didn't pay attention.

Demyx was the only one who could touch me, because I had known him for such a long time, and he never meant to harm me. He couldn't hurt a fly, so he defenitely would not be able to hurt me. He has a bubbly personality, but knew he couldn't just jump-hug me whenever he wanted. He'd do that to anyone, really, but asked first when it came to me.

Demyx's house became my safe haven during the first year. Late at night, when my parents were asleep and I needed his company, I'd get out of the house and grab the spare key they kept under a flowerpot, so I could get into his house. He always kept a blanket and a pillow in his room, so that if I came, I could sleep there. At some point his mother bought a second bed, so I could sleep there if I wanted.

It felt wrong to me, to sleep in the bed there. I didn't even have a bed in my own room, just a mattress on the ground, and Demyx's mother had just bought me a bed. Demyx would know if I had slept there, because he would see the blanket would be folded on the pillow instead of a made bed, and the spare key on the kitchen counter. Most of the time he didn't wake up whenever I entered or left the room, which was a good thing if you asked me. He needed his rest more than I did. Early in the morning, before my parents could wake up, I'd get back home, so they wouldn't notice me missing.

In the same year, Demyx's mother began to take care of my wounds whenever they got too bad, she'd make sure I didn't get any infections or anything and would just be a mother to me. It didn't take me long to start calling her mom, something that would make her smile. I felt more at home in their house than anywhere else.


	8. Making friends by Demyx

**Sorry for the late update. Due to personal and family issues I'm afraid I won't update for a while now, I'm sorry about that. **

**Reviews are much appreciated.**

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from

"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Hope you enjoy!  
~DSL

* * *

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 8

"Making friends" by Demyx Yamanouchi

Somewhere during the second year of high school, two new people joined our class. Zexion and Riku. Zexion was the complete opposite of me, silent, smart and never went anywhere without a book. Riku again was another opposite, he did, or had done pretty much all the sports boys love and was very popular with the girls. When they joined Axel and me, that got less, but they still followed him in flocks.

I guess it was a strange thing they joined us. Of all the people in our class, we were the biggest outcasts. Sure, people would accept me, and whenever Axel wasn't at school I was accepted right away, but whenever I went to eat lunch with them or something like that, and Axel was with me, it was as if they didn't even know us.

Riku seemed to like Axel right away, though Axel didn't say too much to him in the first few weeks. When it appeared they had the same taste for music, they became better friends. Zexion was the most silent one of the four of us, he even said less than Axel, which was a pretty hard thing to do, I can tell you that much. Zexion also was the smartest one of us and so whenever I was having trouble with math or chemistry, he'd help me out. Later it appeared that Axel was pretty good at chemistry as well, but only when he could make things explode, or set things on fire.

Anyway, in the second year of high school our duo became a little group, which grew pretty close and we spent a lot of time together, in and out of school. Soon we learned that Riku lived with his older brother Kadaj, because when Riku told his parents that he was bi-sexual, they kicked him out of the house. Kadaj took him in right away, living in another city and taking care of him ever since. Kadaj got him into a new school, got him books, clothes, a room, some money to save for whatever he wanted. He seemed to do quite well as a parent, and I don't think I've ever heard Riku complain about him. Of course we all got to meet Kadaj some time, he liked the others, but scared the crap out of me. As long as he didn't get too close to me I'd be fine.

Riku told us he was bi pretty soon, he wanted us to know and see if we were okay with it. We all were, as he wasn't the only one. Zexion was the one person of our group that never mentioned his sexuality, but the rest of us was bi-sexual to say the least.

Zexion never told us much about himself, really, he kept to himself most of the time, be silent, thinking, reading or just staring off into space. We knew he lived with his mother and stepfather, but that's it. He never talked about his home situation, we don't know if he has any siblings, what the names are of his mother and stepfather and if he still has contact with his biological dad. In the years that followed none of us ever visited his house, he always came to one of us.

Usually when we came together we stayed at either my or Riku's house, Axel didn't want us around his parents and his parents never let him take anyone home. Riku's brother never had any problems with us running around the house, watching movies or playing games. My mom sometimes didn't like all the noise we produced, but other than that, she always thought it was fine.

I know for sure that Axel always loved the time he spent at our house, he was the most relaxed and himself when he was with us. Also when he was at my house, with just me and my mom he'd sometimes get this little shimmer in his eyes, something I've seen only a few times.

When Axel hadn't been over for a few days, my mom would always ask me how he was, I guess she saw him as her second son, as he saw her as his second mother. When I grew older, we talked about what she called the sadness in his eyes. We both knew what this sadness was, as he had come over often enough bleeding here and there, and we never bought the 'I tripped on the stairs' stories. Most people didn't , and still don't see this sadness. You have to look deep, to see it in his eyes, and most people don't care enough to look deep.

Both Riku and Zexion had noticed the sadness after spending more time with him, and they soon learned that it was something Axel refused to talk about. I wouldn't talk about it either, it was up to Axel to tell them, not up to me.


	9. Demyx by Axel

Another big sorry for you guys... Somehow this chapter just wouldn't work out, I had most of it written already, but couldn't get a right ending... Chapter 10 is on its way though, almost finished! =)

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Hope you enjoy!  
~DSL

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 9

"Demyx" by Axel Nakayama

Somewhere during high school Zexion and Riku became my friends as well, which was much appreciated. Together we had fun in and out of school, but I never trusted them the way I trust Demyx. In school we all had our different interests in the subjects we had to take. Demyx was mostly interested in art and music, Zexion more in math and literature, Riku loved anything that had to do with sports and biology.

History, art and science had most of my fascination. Science only when I could make things explode or could set things on fire. The things humankind did and didn't do throughout their lives was something that never failed to catch my interest. Mostly the first and second World War are subjects that catch my attention because those are things I don't think I'll ever understand. Art was something I used to express myself, and Demyx made beautiful paintings, sculptures and drawings. I sometimes drew, but usually I wrote down what I felt, or what my vision on a subject was.

Somewhere during our third year I started to get all kinds of jobs, some legal, some not so legal. With those jobs I got enough money to buy some things I really liked. It wasn't much, some clothes, shoes and a simple MP3-player for some music. The rest of the money I saved for my 'grand escape' someday.

I got in and out of relationships with both girls and boys, but real love was something I didn't encounter. I wasn't surprised, really. My father had told me so often that I was unlovable and that that was something that would never change. At some point I started to believe him, who would want someone who had sex with his father, absolutely hated every single cell in his body and everything about himself in general? It was impossible. No one could love that kind of person. No one could love me.

Most of the people I dated used me for the sex, wanted to take advantage of my body. A lot of the people I had sex with would just have a good fuck and then run for it. At some point, and just for a little while, I decided to use this in my own advantage and ask money for it. I stopped doing that when I found out that my feelings for Demyx were more than just friendship.

Demyx appeared to have some trouble with his feelings for me. He didn't know I felt the same way, and so the silences we were so used to got awkward and the whole thing made me feel bad about myself. I didn't know Demyx liked me as well, but I did know that there was something going on. Talking to his mom didn't help me out, she didn't know what was going on either. Even Zexion, who Demyx trusted about as much as me, didn't know what was troubling our friend.

During one of the nights I sneaked into Demyx's room, I found him wide awake and waiting for me. His face had the most troubled expression I had ever seen on him, but the expression went on, past his face. His whole body exclaimed his confusion. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, the way he'd usually sit when he wanted to talk. I sat down next to him and got strangled in a bear-tight hug. He didn't warn me like he usually did, but didn't let go when I struggled against his hold. He kept holding me throughout the whole story he had to tell me, I got kind of scared by him, he had never kept holding me when I struggled. The more he told me, the less I struggled. He told me about his feelings for me, how he wanted to be close to me and hold me tight. How he wanted to make me smile, laugh, make me happy, even. When he was done talking he looked at me, asking me if I'd give him a chance to try and make me happy. I tried to speak, but couldn't find my voice, so I just nodded. Another bear-tight hug was the first thing he did after squealing something inaudible. I hugged him back, a smile tugging at my lips.

For the first time, I fell asleep in Demyx's bed, being held close by him and feeling safe in his arms. It was one of the few nights I didn't wake up screaming because of nightmares and it was the only night I can recall that I slept through to the morning. A mistake I had to pay for when I got home.

All in all, my relationship with Demyx was pretty good. He tried his best to make me happy and make sure I didn't do anything stupid. I spent even more time at his house than before, which was hardly possible, I think. Zexion found out pretty soon after our relationship kicked off, which didn't surprise me. Demyx couldn't keep anything hidden from him. It was one of the very few occasions I've seen him smile a genuine smile. It was a miracle if Zexion smiled at all, but this smile showed that he was happy for us and wished us the best. It took Riku a while to find out, at the time he had the biggest crush on some awful cheerleading girl. She was some blonde, brainless Barbie doll, but he was in over his head. Anyway, after she told him no, he stopped obsessing over her and found out that Demyx and I were sitting very close to each other pretty much all the time we were around each other. He questioned us about it, we told him, he shrugged and moved on. Both of them couldn't care less, really. They just hoped we would be happy together.

Unfortunately, the abuse kept going on. It wasn't like my father cared if I was dating someone. Actually, if my mom found someone else in the house, she'd tell him and he'd punish me for fucking someone else than him. Being with Demyx prevented me from taking people home, so my mom didn't find any more unfamiliar persons wandering around our house. Because of the abuse, Demyx and I never had sex. I didn't want to **taint** him. Demyx is one of the purest people I know, and I didn't want that purity to fade. He understood and respected my choice. He didn't agree with me, tried to make me change my mind about it on multiple occasions, but I insisted.

Demyx was the first who tried to love me, and succeeded in that to some degree, I guess. He made me feel a little less worthless, stupid and disgusting. He made me feel a little more confident, taught me to appreciate some aspects of myself.

To all things come an end, our relationship included. Demyx missed the physical contact that I couldn't give him. I didn't care about all the others who had fucked me and who I had fucked. I did care about Demyx, I didn't want my filth to get all over him. We broke up on good terms, still best friends. I guess we had to try, to find out it wouldn't work out between us.


	10. My relationship with Axel by Demyx

Wrote this in the train yesterday, had to write about 3 more sentences to finish it, but I can't come up with them anymore (had to get out right before I could finish it...)

Oh and someone who isn't a member of with the name AkuRokuStalker sent me this review:  
_God, that is so sad. I dont know why but I have a feeling this has happend 2_  
_someone u know. Could u tell us if it is true. Please finish this I want to_  
_know how Axel escapes his hell hole... and IF he escapes._  
As you're no member of I couldn't reply to you, so I'll try and reach you here. No, I don't know anyone who's been through something like this, my insiration comes from two stories here on , that are named below. You should check them out, they are way better than this story and were my biggest inspiration. As for the part where you want to know if/how Axel escapes, in the first chapter that's answered, he escapes. You'll have to wait some time before I get there with the story. The story will contain about 30 chapters (at least, I have the content for each chapter roughly thought out, but it could be that I'll make one chapter out of what I thought would be two...). I hope that was useful xD. Let me know, please.

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.  
For this chapter I was inspired by a song as well: Still alive by Negative.

Hope you enjoy!  
~DSL

* * *

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 10:

"My relationship with Axel" by Demyx Yamanouchi

I witnessed Axel getting in and out of numerous relationships, but none of them lasted for very long. I witnessed Axel getting numerous jobs, legal, illegal, good payment, bad payment, fun, no fun. Those usually didn't last very long either.

The more people I saw walking in and out of Axel's life, the more I wanted to protect him from the outside world. From the evil that has many forms and shapes. I wanted to make him happy, make him smile. Make him feel safe and loved. The longer I waited, the stronger these feelings got, up to the point where they were unbearable. I hadn't told Zexion about this, even though he asked me all the time. He knew something was going on, he knows me about as good as Axel does and I was pretty troubled.

One night I stayed awake to wait for Axel, to finally tell him how I felt. He came, as I expected and I hugged him tightly, without asking. That wasn't normal, I knew that, but I couldn't help myself. There was too much love and caring inside me to keep under control, so it got out in the form of a tight hug. Even when he struggled, I couldn't let go. He had to listen to what I had to say first. As I told him about my feelings, the struggles got less. I told him I wanted to be close to him, hold him near, make him smile, laugh, make him happy. When I let go, to see what he'd say to my question if he'd give me a chance, I saw his eyes water. There were tears on the brink of escaping, but he wouldn't let them out. He couldn't get the words out, so he nodded. I hugged him again, and felt very happy.

We fell asleep side by side, still holding each other. Axel fell asleep rather quickly, he seemed to be exhausted. I couldn't sleep just yet. I lay there, wondering. Wondering about what would come, what time would bring us. A lot of questions were flying around in my head, some bigger than life itself. Questions that didn't need an answer, because whatever I'd try, I wouldn't get them answered anyway. Some questions scared me, a lot of "what if..." questions, that I didn't want to get answered.

I wouldn't give up on Axel. Whatever time may bring, I wouldn't give up. I would be by his side for the rest of our lives, one way or another.

Our relationship was very good. I tried my best to make him happy, and all he had to do to make me happy was be near me. We spent more and more time together, mostly at my house. In the hours we were with just the two of us, we'd talk about all kinds of things.

Zexion found out quite quickly. He was so close to me and I couldn't keep my happiness from him. He wished us all the good in the world and was happy for us. He gave us a beautiful gift, a genuine smile. I had never seen him smile like that, but it was the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.

Riku found out after a while, being head over heals for some girl, he didn't pay a lot attention to us, or Zexion. He didn't really care, as long as we would make each other happy, it was fine by him.

The physical contact didn't go further than the occasional kisses and hugs. Axel couldn't really explain why. Something with him not wanting my purity to fade. Later, I found out it was because of the sexual abuse that he refused to have sex with me. I tried to make him change his mind sometimes, but always got the same answer: no. I didn't really agree with him, but I accepted it.

I loved Axel like I hadn't loved anyone before. I tried to make him feel like I felt about myself, accepting, and appreciating some aspects of myself. If I gave him a compliment, he wouldn't accept it, but I'd explain it to him ,and then he would shrug and move on. Sometimes he'd blush at my explanation, but that's it.

The ending of our relationship was sad, but right. I missed the pyshical contact. I wanted to be held close more than Axel could hold me close. He wouldn't give his principle of my purity up, and I wanted him to do so. I accepted that he wouldn't do so, but I would have loved to explore the sexual field with him. Not even just that, just find out which touches he liked, which made him ticklish would've been enough for me. Just find out more about him in a physical way. Unfortunately, that was something Axel couldn't give me. In the end we decided to break up and go on as friends. We soon found out it worked better for both of us that way and it still works today.


	11. Meeting the twins by Axel

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and I wish everyone a happy new year! 3  
~DSL

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 11

"Meeting the twins" by Axel Nakayama

As the school Demyx, Zexion, Riku and me went to was relatively small, the news that two new boys moved to our town was the best news ever, besides the summer vacation. Everybody was curious what they were like, in which grade they would be and who they'd choose as their friends. The best of all was that they were twins, the only twins in our school. I soon learned that the two boys that moved into the house next to mine were those twins, who lived together with their older brother.

At first I couldn't believe that they were the twins that everybody was talking about. The only similarity I could see from a distance was that they were about the same height. Later on I found out that both have blue eyes, the second and last similarity.

Getting to know the twins, the differences between them got even more obvious. They were like day and night, like the sun and the rain. Like the tides of the ocean, approaching and pulling back.

Knowing Demyx, he'd try to befriend them the moment they would set foot outside their house, or from the moment he'd see them at school. Zexion, Riku and I were curious as well, though not that much as Demyx was. Then again, Demyx gets enthousiastic about pretty much everything.

I first encountered them because of Demyx. Somehow he had found them and asked them to sit with us at lunch. The lunchroom is not where we first met, though. I was changing the books I used in the morning for the ones I'd need after lunch. Standing there with Riku, I waited for Zexion to get back from math and Demyx to get back from his geography class. After a few minutes, Zexion made his way over. I was about to start a conversation with Riku when someone jumped on my back, trying to "glomp" me. I tensed right away, hoping that Demyx would let go soon. I knew it had to be him, because he was the only one who could touch me. But still, he usually asked before touching me, knowing how much I disliked being touched. I knew however that he usually didn't ask when he was hyperactive, which was the case that day. Demyx let go of me after nearly yelling something inaudible in my ear. It seemed that the principle asked him to help the twins out on their first day, he got overly excited and said yes. Which brings me back to the point where I could first lay eyes on the twins from closer by.

Right, so Demyx was glued to my back and I was very tense. From the corner of my eye I saw the blonde one coming closer, giving me a long, confused look. The first words he spoke to me were "You must be Axel. Demyx won't shut up about you.". After saying that, he gave me a strange look. Demyx was still glued to my back and I desperately wanted him off.

'Dem. Off. Now.' I growled through my teeth, trying so hard not to freak out completely. My voice was shaky and the growl sounded kind of pathetic. Demyx made a shocked sound and got off as soon as possible, muttering a soft apology. Right after he got his normal attitude back and overly happy introduced me to the twins, the blonde appeared to be Roxas and the brunette's name is Sora. Right after introducing himself, the brunette decided it was his turn to glomp me. This time my whole body just froze at the spot, I wasn't able to move a muscle. Demyx quickly distracted him and he let go, but I still felt like my personal hell just froze over. Once again, the blonde was watching me with mild confusion in his eyes.

I expected Roxas to question my behaviour, but he didn't, of which I am thankful. I excused myself to go to the bathroom to calm down. Once inside I threw some water in my face, focussing on nothing but my breath.

All too soon though, Roxas came into the bathroom, asking if I was okay. I nodded, trying to act normal, as far as I could. He gave me another confused look, but still didn't ask. I rolled my sleeves back down, covering the cuts and bruises on my arms. The look on Roxas' face told me he had seen them, but once again he didn't ask. When he rolled his sleeves up to wash his hands, I noticed that his arms were a lot like mine, but without the bruises. As he hadn't asked me about mine, I didn't ask about his. That was something I could get used to, him not asking questions about my behaviour and my looks.

'Let's get back to the others... Demyx looked kind of worried.' I nodded and followed him out and into the cafetaria. Once there, I noticed that Riku was staring shamelessly at the brunette, which made me grin. Riku deserved some happiness and I hoped that the brunette would be able to give him just that.

After the lunchbreak it was time for art class, a class Demyx, Roxas, Sora and I shared. The teacher came up with the worst assignment one could have on the first day they met: draw the other's portret. It gave me the time to give the blonde a good look, thoroughly looking into his big blue eyes. There was a sparkle there that I couldn't place. When I took a better look there was a big grief behind the sparkle and something that looked like... loneliness? Soon my portret started showing the emotions the blonde was showing me, and it kind of became a sad drawing.

Demyx and Sora had great fun drawing each other, making weird faces and not sitting still. In the end, Dem grabbed some paint and just made a brown blur on his canvas, telling the teacher that that was the only way Sora had been showing himself, moving too fast to actually capture something.

When the school day was over, Demyx was already at home because he didn't have history, so I had to walk home. Sora didn't take history either and had returned home by bus, something that was too expensive for me. And I didn't really mind the walking.

Roxas and I made our way outside together, and he walked towards the busstop, looking around when he noticed I wasn't beside him anymore.

'You don't take the bus?' he asked, and I shook my head.

'Nope, too expensive.' He frowned at this.

'So how do you get home then?' I shrugged and pointed to my legs.

'Walking.' Roxas shook his head and looked inside his wallet taking out the amount of money the bus ride home cost and gave it to me.

'Today you're not,' he said, giving me a small smile and walking on to the bus stop.


	12. Meeting Axel by Roxas

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.  
I hope you had a great Christmas and I wish you a happy new year 3  
~DSL

* * *

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 12

"Meeting Axel" by Roxas Takeda

The first time Axel and I laid eyes on each other was on my first day at the new highschool. Sora, Cloud and I had moved into the house next to Axel's about half a week earlier and I had seen the redhead a few times in our outside his house.

Sora had somehow made a friend in the first hour of our day, being physics. The friend being Demyx, who had to help us out during our first day. Demyx had a very alive personality, a lot like Sora, so they got along right away. I, being more tentative and silent, liked the guy because he reminded me of Sora, but that's about it. He promised he'd introduce us to his friends during the lunch break and told us a little about them. Them being Zexion, Riku and Axel. Zexion was the silent one of their group, someone who became my friend quite quickly later on. Riku was a sports guy that really liked Sora in more than one way and Axel was the strangest one of their group. Demyx mostly told us about Axel and warned us to be careful around him. He wouldn't tell us why, but told us just to be careful.

When lunch break came around, Sora and I followed Demyx on our way to the cafetaria, soon seeing three boys leaning against the lockers, obviously waiting for someone. Demyx ran up to the redhead, who I assumed was Axel, and jumped on his back in a hug. Still walking up to them, I saw the redhead tense up and walked around him to face him. I didn't understand why he would tense that much, sure he could be surprised, but when one knows who's on their back the tension leaves, right? I looked him in the eye and voiced my thoughts on that he was probably Axel. Not reacting to me, but to Demyx, he told him to get off.

After Demyx introduced Sora and me to the others, Sora thought it was appropriate to glomp poor Axel, who had just recovered from Demyx jumping him. This time he didn't tense, it seemed as though his whole body just shut down. This surprised me less, as Sora was a complete stranger to the guy, but I still couldn't understand why he had freaked out like that when Demyx did so.

Axel left for the bathroom and the others didn't seem very surprised at this, like it was something he did more often after being attacked by a stranger. When he didn't come back after a while, I went to look for him, finding him in the bathroom. I noticed the scars, fresh cuts and a lot of bruises on his arms as his sleeves were rolled up. Again I wondered, but still didn't ask. Somehow I thought it wouldn't be appropriate, so decided not to ask. Sure, I was curious, and sure, I'd like to know everything, but asking such a personal question on the first day just wasn't very polite. I wouldn't like it if someone asked me about my scars either. Even more because Sora was the only one who knew. He noticed me looking at his arms and rolled down his sleeves. I decided to wash my hands, as I was there anyway. Rolling up my sleeves, my own scars and cuts were revealed, and I heard Axel gasp. He, as well, didn't ask. If we could keep this up, things would be fine, both not asking, both not telling. Drying off my hands I suggested to get back to the others and we walked back to them.

I noticed my twin being completely oblivious to the stares of the silverhaired boy Riku who was staring him without any shame whatsoever. I glared at him. He'd better be very nice to Sora, or I'd castrate him on the spot. Sora had been in a lot of pain because of our parents' death as well and deserved to be loved by someone who's intentions are pure and not because of some teenage hormones and his looks.

Demyx and Axel guided Sora and me to our art class after lunch, during which we had to draw or paint a portret of our partner. My drawing skills are rather bad, but I gave it my best shot and gave the drawing somewhat the look Axel had in his eyes when Sora jumped him. When I realised what I had drawn, I wanted to make another one, but class was over, so I couldn't. When I showed it to him his jaw dropped a little, but once again, he didn't say anything. When he showed me his, my jaw dropped a little as well. So he had seen the loneliness that hid behind somewhat of a sparkle... this could be interesting.

Once school was over, I walked towards the bus stop, surprised when he said it was too expensive for him and that he walked all the way to school and back. That was quite far, how did he manage every single day? I mean, when it's raining, or snowing... or when there's a cold wind? Right then I decided that I would give him money to get back home, at least for today. Partly because I didn't know where to get out and partly because I wanted him there with me. I gave him a smile as I handed him the money and together we walked to the bus stop.

That day I already expected something to come out of this. We had some sort of interest for each other. I wouldn't call it love, or even friendship. Just interest. Soon, that interest would change into friendship, and later it would transform into something even better.


	13. Axel is sick by Demyx

Characters belong to Square Enix, story belongs to me.  
Inspiration from"The other side isn't so green" and "Here at the other side" By Sammy-Dee.  
Sorry for the late update, I had part of this written out, but I got stuck rather badly. Deleted what I had written, and started over yesterday, finishing rather quickly :).  
Hope you like it.  
~DSL

* * *

The evil behind two faces

_Chapter 13_

_"Axel is sick" by Demyx Yamanouchi_

As the first few days with the twins passed, Axel seemed a bit better. He seemed a bit happier, which made me smile, he deserved that. I noticed that Roxas was paying for Axel's way back home. Unfortunately enough, I wasn't the only one who noticed. His parents got suspicious nearing the end of the first week, taking it out on him. To me, it therefore was no surprise when he didn't show up for school on Friday. And again, Monday and Tuesday, no Axel.  
Roxas seemed to have some sort of interest for Axel as well, asking about him every day. Asking me to stop by after school, delivering his homework, to see how he was doing, if he was getting lonely... I had to disappoint him every time, knowing that every visit, every phonecall would make it worse for Axel. Way worse.  
Unfortunately, Roxas was a curious one, and didn't accept no for an answer. He stopped by on Saturday, trying to deliver the homework and see how he was doing, if he was getting any better. Knowing that it wouldn't help Axel, Riku and I decided to show the twins around town on Sunday, taking Roxas' mind off of Axel. Riku showed particular interest in Sora, and I watched the pair with amusement, the brunette was so oblivious to Riku, interested in everything and anything at the same time. Roxas just sulked beside me, pretending to be interested in the things Riku and I showed him, but obviously, his thoughts were elsewhere. And to be honest, so were mine...

When I still hadn't heard anything from Axel on Monday, I really started to get worried. His father had goon too far before, every time was like taking a gamble with fate. His father knew that, Axel knew that, we all knew it, but nobody could do anything about it.  
When I looked outside at night on Monday, I saw a flash of red, and somehow Axel had seen me, standing still before the window. He seemed to be alright, he gave me a weak thumbs up, and then walked on, not wanting to cause more trouble. I had seen him in worse states, but in better states as well.  
Tuesday, Roxas wasn't just sulking, he was downright depressed. Only looking at the ground, constantly asking me if I had heard anything from Axel, and his mood getting even worse when I told him I hadn't. I didn't share the short encounter through the window, I didn't want to worry him any more than necessary.

When Axel got back to school on Wednesday, Roxas was suspicious, to say the least. He kept trying to figure out what had been going on, asking both Axel and me, then when we didn't give an answer that was satisfying him, he asked Zexion and Riku as well, who knew even less than I did. Long story short: everyone was worrying about someone. Roxas and I were worried about Axel, Sora was worried about Roxas, Riku was worried about Sora and Axel, Zexion was worried about Axel, but he never showed his worries. At some point during lunch, Roxas left for the bathroom. At that point Axel joined our worry club, knowing something the others didn't. I gave him a questioning look, but he shook his head. Sora seemed to be even more worried by then, but also didn't say a word about it. When Roxas finally came back, he seemed a bit paler than usual, but once again, nobody spoke.  
Roxas just kept a close eye on Axel, but that was a mutual thing. Axel didn't let the blonde get out of his sight, somehow seeming to like his presence a lot. I could see the worry written in his eyes, and I couldn't help but wonder what would come out of this.

In the weeks following, Roxas learnt to be worried whenever Axel was absent, as he'd come back to school pretending nothing had happened, but having bruises, cuts, sometimes a limp. He didn't ask about it, but he looked after Axel a bit, making sure he ate something during lunch, making sure he paid attention during class...  
Soon, Axel had gotten used to Roxas' behaviour and learned to appreciate it. As he didn't have much money to spend on food (or just didn't want to spend much on food), he didn't eat much, and sometimes didn't eat at all. Roxas made sure he ate something, preferably something healthy.  
Axel asked him to stop visiting and calling when he was sick soon, not explaining why, but, Roxas being the smart kid he is, got the hint and stopped doing so. It was torture to him, I got to witness it from closeby as Roxas tended to stick with me a lot when Axel wasn't at school, trying to get some information on his state from me. Unfortunately enough, I didn't know much, if anything more.


	14. Observing Axel by Roxas

The update's sooner than I expected.  
Hope you enjoy, the usual disclaimers.  
~DSL

* * *

The evil behind two faces

_Chapter 14_

_"Observing Axel" by Roxas Takeda_

The first time Axel got 'sick' and came back to school after being gone for three school days, I was really suspicious, but kept the not asking and not telling thing up. I tried to look after him a bit, as there was something off about him. I had known since I first looked him in the eye, but once again, I didn't ask. All I did was trying to make sure he ate something, didn't have to walk home and paid attention in class.

I always was careful around him, making sure I didn't touch him, as it became obvious that he didn't like to be touched. He'd move away slightly if you approached him, I'm not even sure if he knew he did so.

Another thing that stood out was the fact that he didn't talk much, something we had in common. Since I appreciate silence, I don't really mind, but I noticed Sora didn't really like it. Then again, Sora doesn't like silence, one of the reasons why him and Demyx get along so well. Demyx never seemed to mind, however. Then again, him and Axel have been friends since kindergarten...

Something that was less noticable, but I noticed soon was that Axel didn't care about food, going without for a whole school day didn't seem to bother him. As he was scarily thin, it did bother me and so I tried to make sure he ate something. At some point it had become a habit, bringing more food for lunch, so he could eat something as well.

I soon learnt that delivering his homework and trying to see how he was doing when he was 'sick' wasn't a good thing to do, as it made him stay home longer and he seemed worse than usual when he came back.

In general, Axel didn't pay much attention in class. There were three subjects that sometimes managed to catch his attention, but I didn't take one of them: science. Art and history we did have together and art hardly ever failed to catch his attention. History got boring from time to time, but didn't every subject? Axel and I both expressed ourselves through art, both mainly through writing. The teacher liked to put people in pairs, and somehow Axel and I were paired up a lot of the time, doing assignments together and getting to know each other better. We found out that we both prefered to write, but drawing did the trick as well. We recognized things in the other's drawings, loneliness, pain, unprocessed sadness and grief, sometimes a bit of agression, and selfhate. A lot of it.

We both saw the similarities in our art, the same emotions, the same struggles. A lot of the same things, for different reasons. We both knew that the time would, or maybe wouldn't come when we'd use words to explain it to each other, instead of pictures. For now, just knowing we weren't alone in this big evil world and that someone understood our distress about life, made it all a bit more bearable.

As Axel was so uncomfortable with physical contact, it surprised me when he hugged me. I was having a really bad day once and he touched my shoulder with one finger, wanting my attention. When I turned to face him, he carefully wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. It was a short one, and I didn't dare move, but it was a hug. When he let go, he gave me a genuine smile, another rare thing. He smirked and grinned all the time, but a genuine smile was something I hadn't seen yet. I smiled back, a real smile from my side, which wasn't very common either.

Whenever Axel went to the bathroom, I worried about him. As I had seen his arms, I knew he cut himself, as he knew I did so too. I figured he cut himself at school as well, as sometimes his sleeves seemed wet, and he seemed even paler than usual. I knew the signs, as I had seen them with myself. He knew I worried about him, as I knew he worried about me. Somehow, knowing the other worried helped us both. The bathroom visits gradually got less often for both of us, though it took quite some time. Once it's a habit, it's hard to kill.

Soon enough, I learnt to be worried whenever Axel wasn't at school for days. Axel asked me to stop visiting when he was sick, something I figured out would be a smart thing to do. I did so with pain in my heart, life was more bearable with him around, and I know it sounds egocentric, but I needed Axel around more and more. Whenever Axel was absent I sticked with Demyx a lot, trying to get some information from him on how Axel was doing. Also because he was so close to Axel, being around him helped me get through my school days as well.

In more than one way, Axel and I helped each other through the days. Knowing we weren't alone anymore, knowing someone understood our pain, made us feel that tiny bit better. It saved us from doing worse things to ourselves. It made our worst enemy a little less dangerous, less frightening, our worst enemy being ourselves.


	15. Observing Roxas by Axel

Chapter 16 is almost finished as well, wrote that when I started the story, haha.  
Hope you enjoy, the normal disclaimers...  
Got my inspiration from Sammy Dee.  
~DSL

* * *

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 15

"Observing Roxas" by Axel Nakayama

As the first weeks with Roxas and Sora around rolled by, Roxas and I got more and more comfortable around each other. We had seen the scars, seen the cuts, but neither would ask about them. We both didn't mind silences and as we both didn't talk too much, there were a lot of those.

Roxas tried to make sure that he didn't touch me, as he had figured out the first day that I didn't like to be touched. A strange thing, if you think about the amount of sexual partners I've had.

He soon figured out that I didn't really care about food. He tried to make sure I'd eat something during the day, even though I told him I wasn't hungry and that he should eat his own food instead of sharing it with me. At some point he started bringing more food, so he'd have enough and I could have some too, even though I told him not to, he insisted I ate something.

When I asked him to stop visiting and delivering my homework when I was 'sick', he did so, but reluctantly. He was a suspicious guy, and didn't take my bullshit explanations as to why I was sick so often, or why I'd come to school limping. But, cautious as he was, he didn't ask about it either, something I was thankful for. Demyx looked after him whenever I was absent and told me that Roxas wouldn't leave him alone when I wasn't at school.

In art class we both found refuge. It helped us deal with everyday life, with our inner struggles and our silent war with ourselves. We got to know each other better through art, our art showed the same emotions, always in the shade of our selfhate. A lot of similar things, a lot of familiarity. I thought we'd talk about it sometime, months, maybe years from that moment, explaining it in words instead of images. At that moment, knowing Roxas understood and accepted me the way I was was enough. More than enough.

At some point I think it's safe for me to say that I got to know Roxas quite well. I learned that his silences meant a lot more than his words, I learned to distinguish between his kind of silences, the sad one, the angry one, the one where he wanted to be left alone... I learned to read his body language fairly well, and found out how to deal with every kind of silence.

The one thing that was the best teacher to reading Roxas were his eyes. Oh, those eyes... I drowned in them if I didn't look away soon enough, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. Depending on his mood, his eyes would change from almost black when he was depressed to a very light blue when he was happy. More often than not, it was a dark to black blue, his 'usual' state of mind, I'd say.

As Roxas was so careful around me, trying his best not to touch me, I think I shocked him quite badly when I hugged him when he was having a rather bad day. His eyes had been pretty much jet black all day, not lightening the slightest, while they lightened a bit when Sora came around, usually. That day was an exception to every other day we'd had so far, Roxas had been in a mixture of a 'leave me alone' and a 'I want to crawl under a rock and die' silence all day. A mixture I hadn't seen yet, and one of which I wasn't very sure how to react to it. The hug was short, I squeezed him tight against me, trying to put all comfort I could muster in it. He was too shocked to actually move, and as I wanted to get away from the touch before it would get uncomfortable for me, it was just a short hug.

When I let go I gave him a genuine smile, trying to be as comforting as I could and trying my damn best to be the thing he needed at that moment. I knew he hadn't seen a genuine smile from me yet, as I don't show that very often. It's something I save for special moments like this. I wasn't even sure wether Riku and Zexion had ever seen a genuine smile from my side. Roxas, in turn surprised me with a real smile of his own, something I had never seen before. It made my insides turn to mush, to be honest with you.

Roxas, being the smart kid he is, knew that my bathroom trips were more often than not to punish myself. It's a really bad addiction, it's a hard to kill habit... what else is there to say? Roxas knew and tried to take care of me when I got back, but I really didn't want him to worry about me. I didn't deserve worry from anyone, in my eyes.

Whenever he went to the bathroom, I'd worry about him. He's one of the nicest guys I know and he just didn't deserve whatever was putting him through this form of selfdestruction. I'm not even sure wether he cut while at school in the first place, but didn't want to take the gamble he didn't, just in case he did.

One good thing came from the bathroom visits for both of us, though. We didn't want the other to worry about us, because in our own eyes, it wasn't necessary. It was a way of having control over ourselves, something that lacked in every other aspect of ourself. But, knowing the other worried made us feel guilty and it helped us to gradually kill the habit. It took Roxas quite a bit less time than me, but didn't really surprise me.

I guess we both helped each other get through school days. Just the thought someone understood our pain helped us cope with that pain. It saved us from ourselves, and made the world seem a bit less scary and harsh.

Soon, Christmas break was about to come around. My parents had informed me that they would be gone for the whole two weeks the break lasted, leaving me to take care of the house and of myself. Though, to them, the latter wasn't very important. As long as the house was still standing and clean when they got back, they would be satisfied.

One day at lunch, the inevitable subject of our plans for the break was the center of the conversation. I didn't have any plans, never made any for any school break. When Sora asked me what I was doing for the two weeks, I told him my parents were gone and that I had no idea what I'd be doing. Sora, being the dense kid he is, decided that spending Christmas alone was not-done, so he invited me over to their house for at least the Christmas days. Right after, he decided that being alone for two whole weeks intorable as well, so he decided that I would spend those two weeks at their house. Once Sora's made up his mind, there was no way of changing it.

After hearing that, I looked over at Roxas, who seemed not very surprised at Sora's outburst, and seemed a bit happy that he could look after me when we were not at school. He gave me a small smile, then a questioning look, which meant something along the lines of 'I approve, what do you think?'. I was still a bit too flabbergasted to form any words in response and Sora took that as a yes.

I was only hoping it would be alright. I knew myself longer than today. I know I hardly sleep, and when I do I wake up screaming because of nightmares half of the time. Then there was another something: according to Sora, their older brother Cloud could be quite protective... that might be a problem. Also, I know I had been trying to get rid of the cutting habit, but that I didn't cut at school didn't mean I didn't cut at home... those two weeks would be hard and I doubted that I would be able to stay for the two full weeks...


	16. How I met Axel by Cloud

Author's note: sorry for the delaaaaaaaay. Again... yes I know, I'm an awful person. Very much aware of that.  
But I've been writing on this story for OVER 2 years now, and I completely lost track of the timeline and other things. So, yesterday I spent my 4 hours of classes writing and catching up rather than paying attention... woops. Last night and today I spent reading the whole story this one has it's inspiration from, just to get everything back in line and know what on earth I'm talking about.  
I'm sorry for posting this so late, but I hope you like it.

~DSL.  
Ps. reading the reviews with hopes for recent updates made me feel really bad... I'm SO sorry I don't update very regularly, but I'm busy with 1001 things and hardly have time (or inspiration) to write these days...  
I'll try to finish chapter 17 today.

* * *

The evil behind two faces

**Chapter 16**

"_How I met Axel_" by Cloud Takeda

I remember the first time Axel set foot in our house very well. There were two things that stood out, which I did not like at all. First: he had flaming red hair, spiked in every possible direction and defeating gravity by all means. Second: two tattoos beneath his eyes. What kind of idiot gets his face tattooed? All in all, he was very much not the kind of guy I wanted Sora and Roxas to befriend, but that was bound to fail from the beginning.  
The tattoos could only stand for the fact that the guy was a rebel, something I did not want Roxas and Sora to become. I was having enough of a hard time taking care of them already, thank you very much.  
Then, the hair. But that's just something personal, involving some awesome, sexy redheaded bitch called Reno that I dated a few years ago.

Those are not the only things that stood out though, the huge bag he was holding drew pretty much attention too. Roxas probably saw my 'big bro is ready to take out and kill' look (as Sora calls it), and introduced us. He then proceeded to tell me that Axel was staying for two full weeks, as his parents were gone. Those two weeks included Christmas and new years eve.  
I must have said something along the lines of a yes, as Roxas took him upstairs to his room. As we didn't have a guestroom, Axel slept in Roxas' room. Another something I did not like. If that guy did something to my baby brother (I'm six years older than Roxas and Sora), I would personally make sure to kill him slowly and painfully.  
Roxas was enough of a mess already, the last thing he needed was a hotheaded redhead to mess with his feelings, or change him into a rebel, or do worse.

Of the three of us, Roxas took our parents' death the worst, as he was very close to our mum. I took it the best, I suppose. I moved out about three years before and didn't have that much contact with them anymore. After their death, I took the guardianship over the twins and sold the old house, as I couldn't effort to keep it. As we inherited some money and with that and the money the house had given us, I decided to move us from my four room apartment in a town where it always rained, to another town, to this house, which happened to be the one next to Axel's, so we could start over.

My prejudices about Axel were all proven wrong wrong though: Axel's a great guy. If someone told me back then that I'd have the guardianship over the same guy about a year later, and that he actually had a great effect on Roxas, I would never believe them.  
It's true though, and I'm glad things went this way.


	17. A taste of a life I never had by Axel

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 17

_"A taste of a life I never had"_ by Axel Nakayama.

The moment Cloud opened the door for Roxas and me, I knew he didn't like me. He gave me a very unfriendly look, making it clear he didn't want me there, but would accept it, as Roxas asked him. I figured Cloud was the 'big bro from hell', very protective over his brothers and fulfulling the parental role at the same time.

Roxas had warned me about what Cloud would be like and I was very thankful for the warning. If he hadn't warned me I would've waved our plans goodbye and ran back to my house, no matter how much I hated it there.

Those two weeks allowed me to forget most of what was going on at home. For me, it was a taste of the life I never had. Cloud warmed up to me pretty quickly, when he realised I wasn't rebellious, like he thought I was, and found Roxas apperantly acting more 'normal' than he used to.

I wasn't used to this whole 'happy family' thing, and was convinced I didn't deserve knowing what it was like to be in a family like this. I had never done anything to deserve anything that was this positive, and I couldn't comprehend why this was happening to me. I had the idea that I didn't suffer enough in those two weeks, so I tried to keep to myself, which appeared to be impossible if Sora's around. He made sure I didn't miss out on anything.

No matter how much I liked the taste of this life, I couldn't get rid of my habits. Old habits die hard, isn't that a saying? Well, mine were far from willing to die, or even stop for a moment. Yes, the cutting had gotten less for both Roxas and me, but quitting was something that might happen in a future far from today. I was very careful, trying to make sure Roxas didn't find out about them, which, of course, he did. In the end. It wasn't pretty.

Something else that I had to get used to was sleeping in the same room as Roxas. They didn't have a guest room, and Roxas somehow got on a bad note with Sora, so them sharing a room wasn't an option. Even though I slept with loads of different people, I never fell asleep beside them. The only person I had ever slept next to was Demyx, and he knew what to do when I was having a nightmare. Roxas didn't. Roxas didn't know that sometimes I'd wake up screaming, or barely managing to keep the scream inside. It was something I hated, hiding everything was easy when I'm awake, but apperantly it was very hard when I'm asleep.

What I, on my part, didn't know was that Roxas is a very light sleeper and wakes up to anything and everything. But, I have to say, Roxas handled it pretty well. I woke up screaming the first night, then managed to muffle the screams the next few nights. Of course, he woke up from it every single time. He had a funny habit of touching me with a single finger, almost poking me, before moving in to touch me, to see how I'd react. It was a wise thing to do, as my reactions were very varying. When I didn't flinch away from the touch, he knew it was safe to come closer and hold me, when I did flinch away from it he'd wait calmly for me to approach him, which could take quite some time, and then he'd hold me. It always ended with him muttering comforting things to me, while he held me and we both drifted off to sleep. Falling asleep like that was very comforting and peaceful, it made me feel wanted, a feeling I had never really had before.

With Christmas approaching, it was time to go gift shopping, another first on my part. Apperantly it was a tradition to go to a giant mall together, then split up, find small gifts and meet up at the local cafe. I had never been to this mall before, and the size kind of freaked me out. Roxas solved this by just dragging me from store to store, telling me what Sora and Cloud liked, and pretending to look away when I found something for him. I did the same when he found something for me, which made him chuckle. We made our way to the cafe within an hour of arriving, to find Cloud texting someone with a giant cup of coffee in front of him, and two rather big bags next to him. My bewildered look sent him into a fit of laughter, a very rare thing, I learned later. It took Sora another hour and a half to show up with five rather big bags. It made me feel bad about my one bag, which wasn't even that big...  
Sooner than I expected it was Christmas, and when Roxas and I came downstairs after sleeping through the night in one try (a rare thing for both of us) we found Sora sitting near the Christmas tree, all ready to start unpacking. Soon after Cloud came downstairs as well, muttering nothing but "coffee" and disappearing into the kitchen. Fifteen minutes later he came back, still looking half asleep and after Sora complained about how long he'd been away, Cloud replied that you shouldn't drink good coffee too quickly. I laughed, Roxas smirked and Sora gave a frustrated sigh. Once the gifts were unpacked, they seemed happy with my gifts, which made me feel less bad about having only one bag.

The christmas dinner was simple, but very good. Cloud had spent most of the day in the kitchen, sometimes asking for help with this or that, and produced a three course dinner which was better than anything I had ever tasted.

Later that night, Roxas found out about my most recent cuts, the ones from while I was staying over. Just before I fell asleep, he somehow managed to take a look at my arm, see the cuts, sit up, turn on the light and just stare at my arms for five full minutes. When I felt tiny drops hitting said arms I felt worse than I had in a long time. I had noticed his arms were cut free from the moment I slept next to him, and he assumed I had done the same. The moment he looked me in the eyes my heart broke into a thousand little pieces. Those eyes said what he couldn't put in words: why? Why, oh, why? The hurt they exclaimed was incredible. He didn't say a word, just turned off the light and went to sleep on the other side of the bed.  
I fell asleep after a long time, to wake up screaming about an hour later. I could've known nightmares would hit me that night, but I still went to sleep. I knew for sure Roxas woke up because of me, but he still didn't respond. When this scene repeated itself an hour later, and another time later in the night, I couldn't deal with Roxas ignoring me any longer. I really needed his comfort, his touch, his words, anything. I **needed **him. I crawled to his side of the bed and cuddled up against him, hoping he wouldn't refuse me. Thank god, he didn't. He turned around, and gave me the biggest hug ever. While muttering apologies on my part, and comforting words on his part, we fell asleep holding each other and slept peacefully for the rest of the night.

* * *

AN: Well, not the same day, but a day after. That's something, right?  
I couldn't imagine Cloud laughing out loud like that, but I thought it would be funny to put in.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one is also written by Cloud, like chapter 16.  
~DSL  
The usual disclaimers and inspiration stories :).


	18. Christmas with Axel by Cloud

**_Author's note:_**_  
_Hey guys, sorry for the massive delay... again... I hope you enjoy this, I'm not too happy with some parts, but this will have to do for now. I hope you enjoy.  
~DSL.

* * *

The evil behind two faces

Chapter 18

"Christmas with Axel" by Cloud Takeda

At first I was a tad wary of Axel. I accepted his presence in my house, I was nice to him, but that's about it. I didn't want any trouble with anyone, least of all with Roxas or Sora. To me, that was exactly what Axel looked like: trouble.  
Axel proved to be the complete opposite of what I feared and had the opposite effect on Roxas, most of all. He and Sora got along as well, but the effect he had on Roxas astonished me beyond all reason.

It wasn't rare for Roxas to wander from room to room at night, he had always been a bad sleeper and that hadn't improved since our parents' death. I was used to doors opening and closing, feet shuffling and soft music coming from the living room. I had gotten so used to the nightly sounds of Roxas, as I liked to call them, that I missed them when they stopped. Axel somehow managed to keep Roxas in his room throughout the nights, though I was fairly sure that they didn't sleep all night.  
That point was proven to me the first night: I was woken up by a scream that gave me goosebumps all over. It was a scream filled with agony and terror, it exclaimed more pain than I could comprehend. A faint murmuring filled my ears shortly after, accompanied by something that sounded like soft sobs, but I couldn't be sure. Trusting Roxas to deal with this, I decided not to get out of bed and check on the two of them. If Roxas needed me, he'd come and get me. My trust in my younger sibling had been right: Roxas had taken care of Axel, he told me the next morning. I didn't want to ask him what had happened, Roxas seemed a bit protective over Axel and asking seemed inappropriate.

Roxas staying in his room all night wasn't the only change Axel brought to our house. For the first time since our parents' death, I heard Roxas' laughter coming from his room, one particularly dark, rainy afternoon. Sora came up to me shortly after, asking if he had heard what he thought he had heard. I nodded, as confused as he was. Sora then smiled at me and told me he liked Axel. I smiled back at him, thinking that at the very least I didn't _dis_like Axel. During the dinners we had together, Axel repeatedly complimented my cooking (which, by all means, is average at best) and thanked me every evening for the meal.

To me, that was another sign something was off about this guy. He was too polite to me, rarely looked me into the eyes and was giving off signals that didn't make sense to me. But, I have to say, his presence cheered up the general mood undoubtedly.  
I noticed Axel's mood swings the second day, one second he was all smiles and laughter, the next he looked like he was about to start crying or shout at someone. I wasn't sure what that was about, I had noticed the mood swings in the twins as well, and blamed their age. With Axel, I couldn't do that, his mood swings were very different from the ones the twins had, so much more in the extremities of emotions. All in all, I had two weeks to figure out what it was exactly. Despite Axel's mood swings, Sora tried to make sure he was involved in everything we did, going as far as to refuse to help me with something unless Axel and Roxas could help as well.

As so many things were making all the alarm bells go off in my head, I decided I should have a talk with Axel. When I asked him if I could have a quick chat with him in the kitchen Roxas gave me a panicked look, I hadn't discussed my plan with him, and that obviously wasn't appreciated.  
Axel and I sat down at the kitchen table, and I tried to make sure I didn't expect answers on every question I had – yet – but that I did want to know what it was he wanted from Roxas. He gave me a straightforward answer, something I greatly appreciated. He told me Roxas made him feel good, that Roxas made him forget about his home situation. When he mentioned home, I saw a flicker of fear, anger and pain flash over his face, but it was gone before I could figure out all the emotions that I got a glimpse of. I realised at that moment that my suspicions about Axel, the mood swings, the unusual polite behaviour, that all of that was related to his home situation. I had two reasons not to ask about his home situation right then and there. First: the flash I had seen scared me, was I ready to hear what lied beyond that? Second: I didn't want to ruin these things that Roxas was giving him.  
He proceeded to tell me he felt protective over Roxas, that he wanted to make him happy and that the past few days had shown him what a family could be like. This last thing caused me to snort, us three? A family? Don't make me laugh. Yes, we're brothers and yes, we love each other very much, but I was in no way a parent to the twins, something all three of us were aware of. He gave me a reprimanding look, we might not be the picture perfect family, he said, but we were more of a family than he had ever experienced. He then told me he wanted to get back to Roxas and that if I had any more questions, I was free to ask.  
I let the conversation rest, for now. I didn't really have any questions any more concerning Roxas. Concerning his home situation was a whole different matter, and the conversation had given me more questions than answers, but I was fine with that. For now. I knew, that if Roxas and Axel would become serious about their friendship, something I thought very likely, that I'd demand some sort of explanation for his behaviour. At the same time, I was very much aware that Axel wouldn't just tell me everything, and that, if I ever found out, I would probably be one of the last to know. I was fine with that, as long as he continued making Roxas happy.

Christmas shopping was eventful, as it was every year. We went to the biggest mall we could find and split up, hunting down the Christmas gifts alone. Axel didn't know the mall and seemed like he was about to have a panic attack when I told Roxas to take Axel with him, to make sure he wouldn't get lost. I got two grateful glances at that, Roxas glad he wouldn't have to leave Axel alone and Axel glad he didn't have to do this on his own.  
As I did every year, I had ordered my presents in advance and all I had to do was pick them up and pay for them, so soon I found myself sitting in the cafe we had agreed to meet up when we were finished. I ordered a big cup of coffee, knowing that it would take Sora a lot of time to find everything and I wasn't sure about how long Axel and Roxas would take. I sat, drank my coffee and watched as people walked by.  
About half an hour and another giant cup of coffee later, Axel and Roxas made their way to the table I was sitting at, the moment I got a text from Sephiroth. You'll be introduced to him later on, but I'll tell you a little about him. Sephiroth has been my boyfriend for about four years now and when my parents died he had just proposed to go looking for houses together. We had to postpone that, obviously, as I got the guardianship over the twins. The plans at this point in the story were still on hold, and suffice to say that our relationship had been as well. It had been a while since I last heard from Seph, so my mood was lifted when he texted me. Then when Roxas and Axel made their way to my table and Axel gave me a very confused look, I couldn't help but burst out laughing at how odd the whole situation was.

When Christmas finally rolled around I had heard Sora make his way downstairs at an god-awful early hour. About an hour later, I heard two pairs of footsteps making their way down the stairs as well and join Sora in the living room, waiting for me to come downstairs and join them to unwrap the presents. I sighed deep, considered staying in bed for a moment, but decided against it. This had to do with Sora emptying a bucket of ice-cold water on me the year before, when I did stay in bed for a bit longer. After another deep sigh I got dressed and made my way downstairs, to find three very excited faces sitting next to the Christmas tree. As always, I needed coffee first and told them exactly that.  
After I got my much needed coffee – I don't function very well without the stuff – I joined the twins and the redhead and we started unwrapping the gifts. One I particularly liked Sora had given me, it was a magnet that says: I haven't had my coffee yet. Don't make me kill you. As I said before, I don't function very well without the black, strong goodness, so the magnet was a proper gift.  
Once all the gifts were unwrapped and the twins had overruled Axel's idea of what to do next, they watched their usual Christmas day cartoons and I drew back in the kitchen, to make my not-so-notorious Christmas dinner. I asked for help every once in a while, which resulted in a crowded kitchen as Sora refused to do anything with out Axel and Roxas being there as well. All in all, the dinner wasn't too posh or anything, but we enjoyed it.

The night that caused Christmas day to turn into boxing day had been an uneasy night, for all of us. I had woken up several times to Axel's screaming and this surprised me, I had only heard the full blown screaming once, during the first night, and some muffled screaming in later nights. After the third time Axel screamed, Sora knocked on my door, asking if he could sleep in my bed, as the screaming was freaking him out a little. I couldn't blame him, and let him sleep in my bed. I'd talk with both Roxas and Axel the next morning.  
Something changed after Christmas though. Axel was more timid, even more than usual. Roxas seemed to have gone back to his silent, sad self. What was going on here? I'd seen so much improvement for both Roxas and Axel, both seemed like more "normal" teens than their usual selves, both seemed somehow happy. And then, boxing day morning, all that was gone. Roxas was hesitant, Axel was pulling down his sleeves all the time, trying to hide his cuts more than usual. At that time I didn't know about either Roxas' or Axel's cuts, but I had seen Roxas wear more long sleeved shirts than usual. Axel actually pulled his already too long sleeves even further down his arm, up to the point where they reached his fingers. This did worry me, but it didn't necessarily ring any alarm bells, something it would do later, when I had gotten to know his story.


End file.
